Thursday, 29 December 2016
Monday, 19 December 2016
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
Wednesday, 7 December 2016
Thursday, 1 December 2016
Time to go into the Maze of Life and go and find My Cheese……….
Wednesday, 23 November 2016
How does one eat a heavenly delight..... only with your eyes closed!
One has to have all your taste senses heightened when you indulge. First the scent of the chocolate.... it must fill up every pore of your body, then comes the taste..... the sensation must be of exotic warmth that takes you on a journey of absolute taste shattering experience. Then comes the feelings of utter joy and contentment, the sigh of utter peace and happiness at the swallow of the last piece of glorious chocolate. The euphoria that fills your body afterwards is one of comfort, joy and peace.
Whether it be pure chocolate or in cake or dessert form....nothing can replace that orgasmic feeling of pure elicit delights that come in the form of that tiny cocoa bean.....
Monday, 21 November 2016
Then one day it flows over and can become blind rage, the fury that flows from a person through their mouth is like acid rain. The words drip with the intent to hurt, to harm, to cause irreparable damage to the person unto whom the words are flung. You want to see that person hurt, to see them scorched by the words, to cause that person such pain that it would seem to ease your pain. I have tried to avoid such fury as I have been one to fling such violence and have seen the hurt in the eyes. The hurt that is so bad that it is never forgotten even when you are forgiven for it. I have tried so hard to contain myself and have been good for a good many years. But not yesterday....
Yesterday I felt it all boil over and out the words came. I must say though that I did contain myself in the sense that the most of the heat that I want to fling out I kept inside but enough was said to cause damage. Now I sit with the knowledge that I have broken up a family unit. That I caused the rift between a father and son. Even though he has said that it is not my fault and that he will stand behind me I feel that I am not a good person. I feel devastated yet I will not run after a child (22 years) and make peace because I yelled at his girlfriend.
Now as I type this I watch them walk passed with their belongings as they are both moving out the house. To allow the reader a bit of knowledge, His girlfriend is 22 as well and lazy and dirty, he is also unemployed, no car licence and also on the lazy side. He is stubborn and one minded and cannot take criticism of any kind. He is always right and cannot have a decent conversation over things involving him or her without it turning into a loud yelling match. He has no respect for himself or for those around him.
Now do I take peace in the knowledge that I was okay to have those words or do I have to take stock of myself again and become the quiet mouse I was. Do I stand up for myself in the knowledge that I did not say all the damming words that I wanted to say.
All in all rage and fury and anger is not a good emotion to have. I am devastated in the fact that I had let myself go and allowed it to flow from me. Words hurt and kill more than any weapon I know.
Thursday, 17 November 2016
Saturday, 12 November 2016
I will still have my online book store but I do need to venture forth and make things happen. Nobody else will make it happen so I need to move this delectable butt of mine and get things started. It's all about finding ones Passion again and I am going to enjoy doing it.
The time is now, time is short and very precious so no more screwing around and making excuses. If I don't do it now I never will. So everyone its like Buzz Lightyear says: "To infinity and beyond."
Tuesday, 8 November 2016
It is true, we tend to think that those around us must make us happy, that it is the world's job to make things happen for us. We tend to shrink away from being forward and expressing what we really feel. That got me to thinking in a big way. Nobody else but me, myself and I is going to make me happy, truly happy. I keep on falling into that age old trap of expecting those around me to make things happen. I tend to forget that everyone has their own sense of responsibility to themselves. So I joined a lovely ladies group and got to meet a few of the most inspiring women. They both had problems worse than mine and they made a go at life. They did not just sit back, they worked hard at letting go and learning to move forward and to live whatever disabilities that they had. They did not let life stop them from living at all.
So now I am on a mission to find my passion for life again. It is going to be hard but I intend to push forward and motivate myself each day into doing something that will elevate me nearer to my goal. My passions, what are they?
I love the written word, I love to read and discuss books. I love the storytelling. I love to help people yet am an incredibly shy person. I got to hear about Beta reading and am now trying to research on the matter and hope that I can find my niche in the written word society. I am much better at my thoughts than penning them to paper and have tried my hand at writing but have yet to find what is my field of writing. So I will pen them in private and maybe one day I will be struck with knowledge of what to write on. Fiction novels is a No no as I have tried and I for the life of me cannot do the " talking" parts. But I shall forge forth and I will succeed one way or another or at least go to my grave with the knowledge that I did try even if I could not do all that I desire to do.
So with this in mind I will say Adieu for now and enter into my own adventure of Finding My Passion again....
Monday, 10 October 2016
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to be dictated by society and put our dreams, our passions on the shelves. To see ones passion die a slow death is liken to throwing water on a raging fire, to watch it slowly die out until it is nothing but blacken coals. Dead.
It takes a drastic event in ones life for the realisation that we were stupid and weak. I thought my life had ended but in fact it was just the beginning. I needed to reawaken my dreams, to seek what i am passionate about, to reawaken and find myself again. To learn to love myself, to love life and to accept my past as it was. I needed to find the peace that i had lost along the way. Now I have a thirst to learn new things, I want to travel, I want to reawaken my passion in the written word. I am all I can be and the only thing that can really stop me or dampen my new awakening is myself.
If I allow myself to conform to my surroundings then I will disappear again like before. I need to keep it alive in myself. I need to fill my surroundings with my passion, with my dreams. I need to keep it alive or else I will slowly fade away again and I cannot allow that to happen.
I have spoken to a few ladies that I know and have found that they too have regrets which pertain to broken dreams, lost passions. That is the only regret I have so far in my life. To not have lived my life the way I wanted to. To have allowed myself to be sucked in by society and what they required of me. I gave my whole life to raising my children, to having a job. I don't regret my children only that I could have had them and still done what I wanted to do. But, as the saying goes, what is done, is done and no good crying over spilt milk. Now is the time of my life and I will fight to keep my passion and my dreams alive.
Whether I get to do it all is up to the Good Man Upstairs but I will prevail, I will keep them alive.
We need to live our lives and not just exist day to day. That is not living at all. Fight to keep those dreams alive, feed your passion daily and believe in magic again.
Wednesday, 28 September 2016
So i have decided to get off my butt and stop being sorry for myself(again) and start my own small business of a second hand book store. Ambrosia Second Hand Books will become a reality and I will push forward, however slow it may start. Rome was not built in a day so neither is my bookstore. I have also gone and made a veg and herb garden for myself. Nothing like good ole back breaking, manual labour to bring things back into perspective again. I have to keep remembering that only I can make myself happy and not others. The fact that i have hit the Peri menopause stage of my life doesn't help at all. Moods and flame on's and hot flushes are just soooo not in.... then there is the might brain fog that i have.
So, my new resolution (again) is to make myself happy and not depend on others to do it for me and to keep pushing forward with the books selling and my veggie garden.
Captain of our own destiny, time to put the words into action and this time not fall on my own face due to my own making.....
Saturday, 3 September 2016
I have finally lifted my but and done it. Always spoke if starting a business of my own. I have always love books and reading and spoke of opening up a book store. Well now I went ahead and started it.
Googled on how to open a business without money and blam this was one of them. So now I am the proud owner of Ambrosia Second Hand book store. Currently in the collection process and working out of the garage for the time being. Have had enquiries but yet to sell my first book.
So I am excited about the whole concept of being a business owner. I know that there is a long road ahead so with a deep breath I will forge forth and slay the dragons ahead.
Wish me well all ye plebs out there.
Monday, 8 August 2016
Writing and reading should go hand in hand one would think. But nope, nada it sure doesn't, well not with me, anyway. But I do want to write a novel of some sorts. So far I have tried my hand at Poetry (not good at all), a fiction novel based on my life (depressing)so shelved it.
Now I will try to write about the funny and humorous side of my life, which has quite a large amount of material to work from. So taking a page out of Erma Bombeck's books and here we go....
Now just to put the thoughts into words.
What with being a mother of 3 boys, plenty pets and just plain abundance of good work stories I should be able to write something decent.
Saturday, 2 July 2016
Sitting here feeling frustrated with my life right now. I feel lost and unsure of things at the moment. I know the saying of if you don't like your life change it but sometimes it's a bit hard to change if you are dependent on a person. I am trying hard to smile and change my attitude but am really feeling deflated and to an extent feel "robbed" of what I really wanted to do.
In my heart of hearts I want to travel and see the country and the world. But it means finances and that I don't have anymore. Here I sit again being sucked into a domestic life.
I had that for over 26 years and now I want to live my life the way I want. Now I am back to square one again. This is not how I want to live. Broken dreams again. Put on hold for what.....because of my own stupidity of letting a man take from me again.
I have not learnt a bloody thing it seems. Surely there is more to life than this. Stranded like a fool of my own making. I have an urgent need to experience new and different and exciting things. Life is getting short and I have sow much more I want to experience and learn and see.
All put on hold for what? Fustration at its peak... anybody out there who can hear my cries.....
Thursday, 2 June 2016
I was raised that tattoos were EVIL and disgusting.... that it was a desecration of the body, of God's Temple. Henceforth, I always thought that those who had tattoos were not very nice people, that they were all scary and bad. So, I did the same with my sons.... I threatened them with certain DEATH should they ever even think of coming home and saying "hey Mom, check out my tattoo."
So all it was with them was talk, of how they would just get one.It shows you how ignorant one can be, how closed and narrow minded the previous generation was. Or rather how we were taught and how we carry on the tradition with our kids. Needless to say, that has all changed. My outlook in life has taken a drastic change. What caused that change, you wonder..... But believe it or not but a cheating husband did that and opened my eyes to the real world around me.
I had seperated from my now ex and started to realise that I had been living a lie my whole life. I was not the person I should be but what everyone else wanted me to be.... My eyes had been opened, the scales had fallen from them....
And what was one of the first things I went and did...... Yes, I went and got myself a TATTOO..... a small and meaningful one that is private. And yes, I am a Christian woman as well.... I had prayed over it and was never convicted.
So, I get home afterwards and show my sons that I went and did what I had always told them not to..... Yip you can imagine the reaction....... The horror of the fact that I went and had it done.... BEFORE any of them could do it.......
But yes, people judge way too quickly especially if they see a person with ink on them. To me it must have a meaning to it. Not a frivolous marking that you will regret later on in life. Think well before you decide to do it as it is for life. To those that ink there whole body, well, that is their own choosing and most of the time every single ink has a meaning to them.
My middle son has since gone out and had 2 tattoos. One is a huge heart tree on his back ( which was very sore) and is stunning, the other is also a personal one on his inner arm with the words and writing of his beloved late granny.
So yes, one needs to realise that not every person with a tattoo is evil and nasty, they have meaning, whether sentimental or inspirational a tattoo is a piece of themselves that they are putting on display for the world (or like me in private).
As to desecration the Temple of God (our body), I think one needs to realise that the times have changed and folk should not take the Bible and the Word so literally. To me it is a guideline on how to live, to inspire and to take wisdom from. I still feel no condemnation over my tattoo and I know that the Good Man Upstairs loves me and knows why I needed to do it. He is a Gracious God not a condemning One. And folk should not throw stones in glass houses I always say.
Find out what the person is like under the skin and not judge by the outer appearance. You will be pleasantly surprised at what you find.
Friday, 27 May 2016
Back to reality time it seems...why can't a person stay in the peace and tranquility of Nature.
Sitting in the Dr's room with a sick grandchild and looking around at the others sitting and waiting as well. All seem lost in thought, the occasional sniff or cough exploding into the silence of the room. Winter is arriving in full force it would seem.
I am bundled up in boots, thick socks, scarf and jacket. I am NOT a winter person at all. Give me the warmth of the sun. Now I am like a lizard scuttling from one sun spot to another. If I could hibernate like the bears I would. Ok so I would admit that winter is nice for hot chocolate and blankets. But oh how the ice cold air creeps into the bones now.
And when my feet are cold I am cold right through.
Nope give me Spring and Summer please!
Saturday, 21 May 2016
My second last day here in the wine lands before I head back up to the dusty, beige town I now call home. Sitting here with my cuppa Honeybush and watching how the sun is taking hold of Table Mountain and the sleepy towns surrounding it. The morning mist lays like a thin blanket over most of the houses.
The sounds of life filtering up towards me. It has been a good and relaxing 2 weeks. Filled with good food, good wine and a birth of a new life. Nothing like it. But all good things need to end sometime just to give the body a recovery time... well mine needs it. Guess it's back to the gym for me next week to work off all the chocolate fondants, the Peacan tarts with clotted cream , the rich pastas, breakfasts of Eggs Benedict and not to forget all about the other yummy goodies.
Sitting here listening to the birds chattering and the ducks laughing as if they know what lays ahead for me. Back to reality it seems..... but I shall not grumble over it at all as I shall attempt new things back home. I have a pottery lesson to plan (not a creative bone in my body, paint by numbers to try and a herb and veggie garden to plan.
So let's see what this day brings forth.....onward and upwards time.